Still not there...

It's been a while since I posted, and quite honestly I have had nothing new to say!

So we got back from a fab week in Turkey on Saturday, and had fully intended to start an AF life that week. I managed two nights! We were on holiday with friends we only see once a year and are not massive drinkers so I thought it was the perfect time. By Day 3 I just couldn't help the feeling of missing out as everyone headed to the bar for a beer before dinner, and I caved!

I opened up and spoke completely honestly to my gorgeous friend who was shocked and had no idea how bad I am! She was incredibly sweet and supportive, but did ask that I wasn't going to stop until I got home?! I really didn't drink that much all week, no more than anyone else (for once!) until the last night.

Needless to say I have been rubbish since I got back, and drank way too much last night and argued with my son….I have gone round in circles for the last two years, and just cannot get my head around it. I know life will be better when I stop, and when I don't drink I love the fact that I feel free without the constant looking at the watch, thinking about and planning when I will drink.

We don't have any friends that don't drink, it is everywhere (even Booze and Balls tennis on holiday!), and when I have stopped in the past I fall back in to it as I don't want to miss out?! Aaargh, I hate my messed up brain! I can't go on like this. I have never felt so unattractive as I did in my bikini last week, which really put an additional dampener on my week.

Why can't I get my head around it and just stop!!!