Time to get a grip!

At over 600 days sober, and still the same weight something needs to change! I had wholeheartedly thought that by now, nearly 2 years on I would have reaped the benefit of losing a 'good' amount of weight, every holiday since I envisaged myself feeling comfortable in my bikini! Maybe even my husband would take a photo 'proud' of his wife?!

Although I generally love my sober life, I can't embrace it fully until I get to grips with my weight. It impacts on my life more than I care to realise, and in all honesty I am not a good influence on the children. My inconsistency with food, and sport, and other aspects of my life frustrate me enormously. Having spent time looking and trying to understand the reasons why I am not much the wiser, with the exception of having a deep need for reward and approval, and when it doesn't come I use food (formerly wine) to do this.

I cannot express how dramatically a reduction in weight affects my mood, so why then do I continue to sabotage myself by eating poorly! I have accomplished alot over the last couple of years, and this is the last hurdle. It can't be put off any longer, a girls weekend is looming which I am already dreading - I sooooo desperately want to go and just relax feeling comfortable in my own body! I don't want to be skinny, thin or over muscly - just in proportion. I am not unrealistic, I am never going to be a silf, but just want to be toned and healthy.

When I have cut out sugar in the past the benefits have been enormous, mood better, skin better, more energy - so why eat it! What is wrong with me, why do I do it to myself on a almost daily basis. I am not far off the constant chatter I had in my head when I was drinking -  I can't do it again!

Boredom and TV are triggers - I don't eat crap unless in front of the TV generally - so this is a good place to start, by watching less or keeping myself busy when I am even if its ironing!

When I look in the mirror I want to like what I see and not feel sick, I want to be able to feel comfortable about body so that it does continue to have an impact on my physical relationship with my husband. 

I do 'like' myself, and that is a good start. I have an amazing husband, kids and family, great friends and believe I am a good friend. So, today at 7.45pm on Wednesday 9th May 2018 I turn over a new leaf, and start a better relationship with myself and food. I am not going to set myself any 'rules' as it just leads to be letting myself down again. Healthy meals, healthy snack, exercise 6 days a week are all doable, and that is it for now! Wish me luck, and will report back in a week. Currently 11 stone 12lbs! x