OMG, something has changed!
I am not good at regularly updating my blog, but feel it is better to wait to I have lots to say. Guess what, I have lots to say!! I am in a really GOOD place at the moment, I haven't drunk since the 1st September and am not missing it at all! I got through my birthday, Christmas and New Year all without drinking and more importantly feeling like I was missing out. Actually, not strictly true I was a bit wobbly on Christmas Day but a quick reflection on Christmas Day last year banished those thoughts.
I would love to be able to put my finger on what is different this time, while remaining conscious of the fact that I got to 5 months before and failed. Perhaps it is the fact that I did get to 5 months, started drinking again, and got back into bad habits very quickly. Maybe I just needed to prove to myself that even with a longer period of abstention I really couldn't change my ways. So coupled with this, an ever expanding online community of like minded sober people I am feeling hugely different this time. Another attributing factor has to be the fact that I am being honest to friends and family, well not entirely honest! I certainly haven't been telling people about the mini bottles of wine I would buy and hide to drink before I opened a bottle so that my husband wouldn't know that I had drunk more than a bottle! I have quite simply been explaining to people that I had was not great with alcohol, never good at just having one and that I had had enough of the 3am wake up calls and the hangovers. Close friends know a bit more, and seem accepting although the sporadic Friday evening early doors, fancy a quick glass of wine calls seem not to be so frequent!
The past four months have not been easy, this becoming sober is not for the faint hearted! I have am literally having to relearn how to live my life. When I feel like I need a reward, when I am annoyed, cross, anxious, tired I have to actually deal with my emotions and find some other way of not being totally sidelined by them. This is HARD! Any suggestions gratefully received.
I am discovering that I am not who I thought I was - this sounds profound and that's not me really but it is true! I am not the life and soul at a party, a social butterfly or calm and collected. I am a fretter, a dweller, a bit anxious, and a struggling perfectionist - this I knew but hid! The fact that I am not constantly tired makes all of these traits so much more manageable to deal with. I never took the time to really think things through, and work out what makes me tick. Hard to believe that at 42 years old, and I am only just beginning to learn about myself. My 2017 will consist of taking the time to update this blog more often, for my own benefit as a I means to collect my thoughts and as a tool for self discovery. A long the way if anyone happens to read this and finds some solace or help in anything I write, I will be totally thrilled. So many of the blogs I read and Instragrammers I follow have helped my enormously - please let me know if you want any suggestions.
I guess the key message is that I had to fail to truly understand the consequences and the true nature of the problem, and only once I ACCEPTED that I couldn't drink did I truly put my drinking days, constant thoughts of drinking behind me. ACCEPTANCE of the card you have been dealt is key, I can't drink but I can do lots of other amazing things instead xx
I would love to be able to put my finger on what is different this time, while remaining conscious of the fact that I got to 5 months before and failed. Perhaps it is the fact that I did get to 5 months, started drinking again, and got back into bad habits very quickly. Maybe I just needed to prove to myself that even with a longer period of abstention I really couldn't change my ways. So coupled with this, an ever expanding online community of like minded sober people I am feeling hugely different this time. Another attributing factor has to be the fact that I am being honest to friends and family, well not entirely honest! I certainly haven't been telling people about the mini bottles of wine I would buy and hide to drink before I opened a bottle so that my husband wouldn't know that I had drunk more than a bottle! I have quite simply been explaining to people that I had was not great with alcohol, never good at just having one and that I had had enough of the 3am wake up calls and the hangovers. Close friends know a bit more, and seem accepting although the sporadic Friday evening early doors, fancy a quick glass of wine calls seem not to be so frequent!
The past four months have not been easy, this becoming sober is not for the faint hearted! I have am literally having to relearn how to live my life. When I feel like I need a reward, when I am annoyed, cross, anxious, tired I have to actually deal with my emotions and find some other way of not being totally sidelined by them. This is HARD! Any suggestions gratefully received.
I am discovering that I am not who I thought I was - this sounds profound and that's not me really but it is true! I am not the life and soul at a party, a social butterfly or calm and collected. I am a fretter, a dweller, a bit anxious, and a struggling perfectionist - this I knew but hid! The fact that I am not constantly tired makes all of these traits so much more manageable to deal with. I never took the time to really think things through, and work out what makes me tick. Hard to believe that at 42 years old, and I am only just beginning to learn about myself. My 2017 will consist of taking the time to update this blog more often, for my own benefit as a I means to collect my thoughts and as a tool for self discovery. A long the way if anyone happens to read this and finds some solace or help in anything I write, I will be totally thrilled. So many of the blogs I read and Instragrammers I follow have helped my enormously - please let me know if you want any suggestions.
I guess the key message is that I had to fail to truly understand the consequences and the true nature of the problem, and only once I ACCEPTED that I couldn't drink did I truly put my drinking days, constant thoughts of drinking behind me. ACCEPTANCE of the card you have been dealt is key, I can't drink but I can do lots of other amazing things instead xx
I've just posted about how I'm grieving never being able to drink again. I'm very early days (11) but acceptance is my goal. You sound in a good place.
ReplyDeleteSO x